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You love your partner, and you know they love you. But you keep having the same fight with different words, and you can predict how it will go before it even starts.
Here’s the truth: you’re not the problem, and neither is your partner. The pattern is.
Name Your Pattern is a guided workbook from Emily Germain, LICSW, an Emotionally Focused couples therapist. It’s built entirely around you, so you don’t need your partner to sit down and do it with you. Most change starts with one person understanding the pattern clearly enough to step out of it.
Inside, you’ll:
Find your role with a short quiz that shows whether you tend to move toward or away when connection feels shaky
Map your pattern from trigger to ending, and give your cycle a name so you can catch it next time
Find the soft underneath, the more vulnerable feeling beneath your go-to reaction, and practice putting it into words
Build your repair move, including the “pause with a promise,” so you have one small step ready for mid-fight
Keep going with a weekly check-in and low-pressure ways to bring your partner in, if and when you want to
This is for you if:
You feel stuck, even though the love is there
You’ve tried “communicating better” and it hasn’t lasted
You feel unseen or unheard by someone who cares about you deeply
On paper everything’s fine, but something feels off
Format: 16-page digital PDF with guided prompts and writing space. Print it or fill it in by hand.
This workbook is for education and self-reflection. It is not therapy and does not create a therapist–client relationship. It is not intended for relationships involving fear, control, threats, or violence.
You love your partner, and you know they love you. But you keep having the same fight with different words, and you can predict how it will go before it even starts.
Here’s the truth: you’re not the problem, and neither is your partner. The pattern is.
Name Your Pattern is a guided workbook from Emily Germain, LICSW, an Emotionally Focused couples therapist. It’s built entirely around you, so you don’t need your partner to sit down and do it with you. Most change starts with one person understanding the pattern clearly enough to step out of it.
Inside, you’ll:
Find your role with a short quiz that shows whether you tend to move toward or away when connection feels shaky
Map your pattern from trigger to ending, and give your cycle a name so you can catch it next time
Find the soft underneath, the more vulnerable feeling beneath your go-to reaction, and practice putting it into words
Build your repair move, including the “pause with a promise,” so you have one small step ready for mid-fight
Keep going with a weekly check-in and low-pressure ways to bring your partner in, if and when you want to
This is for you if:
You feel stuck, even though the love is there
You’ve tried “communicating better” and it hasn’t lasted
You feel unseen or unheard by someone who cares about you deeply
On paper everything’s fine, but something feels off
Format: 16-page digital PDF with guided prompts and writing space. Print it or fill it in by hand.
This workbook is for education and self-reflection. It is not therapy and does not create a therapist–client relationship. It is not intended for relationships involving fear, control, threats, or violence.